Do you think we’re shaped more by our experiences or by who we are?
We are neither fixed selves untouched by life nor blank material shaped entirely by circumstance. We become who we are through the interaction of temperament, experience, relationships, choices and grace.
Two people can endure the same event and be shaped in very different ways. One becomes guarded, another compassionate. One bends, another breaks, another grows deeper roots. The storm matters, but so does the tree standing in it.
During one of the darker periods of my life, I was scammed and taken advantage of by the greed of others. I could not change what had happened, but I could decide what it would produce in me.
Would I become like those who had hurt me? Would I choose greed or generosity, vengeance or kindness? I chose generosity and kindness.
In one sense, it was a real choice. In another, it was no choice at all. Greed is not freedom. It becomes a burden that is never satisfied. Vengeance creates a double wound, harming others while keeping the original injury alive within us.
Choosing another way did not mean denying the wrong or abandoning justice. It meant refusing to let the wrongdoing of others determine the character of my life. The people who hurt me had already taken something. I did not want them to take more by shaping me into their likeness.
We are shaped by our experiences, but not passively. Difficult moments confront us with possible selves. Through choice and grace, we can resist the identity suffering offers us and become more fully the people God calls us to be.
The storm matters, but it does not have the final word.
The Afterword 
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