Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently?
When I was in theological college, I worked on weekends as a student minister in a church. My senior minister was very conservative, authoritarian, and very forceful in his opinions. At the time, we were building a vibrant youth group, and I asked two university students, one male and one female, to oversee the devotional program. They were mature, capable, and well suited to the role.
I made that decision without consulting him. When he found out, he objected to the young woman being in leadership and told me to remove her.
I should have said no. But I didn’t.
It would be easy to say I was afraid of him, but that would not be true. He was authoritarian, but I was not intimidated by him. I was afraid of setting a bad example to the teenagers in the group. I did not want to model defiance or create a scene. I told myself that staying was the steadier, wiser course.
Instead, I set a bad example by failing to stand up for what I knew was right.
I reluctantly did what he told me. She stood aside and left for another church. I lost all respect for him, finished the year, and then left myself. But I have carried shame about that moment ever since.
What shames me is not only that I failed her, though I did. It is that I betrayed my own convictions while trying to preserve the appearance of order. I confused compliance with faithfulness. I treated silence as maturity. I thought I was protecting the young people from a bad example, when in fact I was giving them one.
If I had my time again, I would do it differently. I would speak plainly. I would refuse. And if that meant leaving, I would leave. There are moments when staying does more harm than rupture, and I knew, even then, that this was one of them.
The Afterword 
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