What He Needed Wasn’t a Lecture

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What advice would I give my teenage self?

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I don’t think I’d give him a grand speech. I’d try to be a person he could trust.

Older me: You don’t need a lecture.
Teenage me: Then what do I need?
Older me: People who will listen properly. People with wisdom. People who take you seriously and help you grow.

Teenage me: I already know what I want.
Older me: I know. You’re passionate. That’s one of your strengths.
Teenage me: That sounds like a warning.
Older me: Only because unfettered passion can become abrasive.

Teenage me: So you want me to tone it down?
Older me: No. I wouldn’t suppress it. I’d help you shape it. There’s a difference.
Teenage me: What difference?
Older me: One kills what is good in you. The other teaches it how to love.

Teenage me: I’m focused though.
Older me: You are. And that’s good too.
Teenage me: Another warning?
Older me: A small one. Focus can become self-preoccupation if no one helps you lift your eyes.

Teenage me: What’s wrong with thinking about how I live my life?
Older me: Nothing. But maturity is learning to think less about yourself and pay more attention to other people—who they are, what they value, what they carry.

Teenage me: I’m not great with people.
Older me: You’re more self-conscious than you realise. That makes you awkward sometimes.
Teenage me: That’s encouraging.
Older me: It is, actually. Because it can change. You don’t need a different personality. You need to become more interested in others than in how you are coming across.

Teenage me: I can do things on my own.
Older me: You can. But don’t mistake that for how people grow.
Teenage me: Meaning?
Older me: You think of yourself as an island. You’re not. Community is not optional. It forms you. It teaches patience, honesty, humour, perspective. You learn those things alongside people, not in isolation.

Teenage me: So what would you actually do, if you were there?
Older me: I’d let you talk. I’d listen. I’d affirm what is good in you. I’d challenge what needs shaping. I’d stay in the conversation.

Teenage me: That’s it?
Older me: That’s more than you think. People rarely grow because someone gives a grand speech. They grow in the presence of trustworthy relationships.

Teenage me: And what would you want for me?
Older me: That you keep your passion. Keep your focus. But learn how to use both to build trust, strengthen others, and serve the community you’re part of.