What could you try for the first time?
I know it sounds strange, but I’m going to try something that comes innately to three- and four-year-olds. Something my dog does without thinking. I’m going to try to be more intentional about friendship.
That might sound odd for someone who already has friends — some going back to primary school, others scattered around the world. But lately I’ve been aware that friendship, like any living thing, needs tending. And I’ve realised that I’ve been too busy, too careful, and perhaps too afraid to nurture it well.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about friendship after a conversation with someone who said loneliness is now one of the biggest challenges facing Australian men. The comment stuck with me because it sounded true.
So I’m going to sign up for Sheriden Voysey’s online Friendship Lab course https://www.friendshiplab.org/about/ It explores what friendship is and isn’t, how to recognise the barriers that hold us back, and how to build meaningful connections again. It talks about the nutrients that help friendships grow, how to have better conversations, how to express needs and resolve conflict well, and even how to forge friendships across divides.
It’s humbling, really — doing a friendship course at this stage of life. I feel a little silly. But when I think about it, this might be the first time I’ve intentionally approached friendship as something to learn, rather than something that just happens.
Because here’s the truth: I’ve been afraid. Afraid of vulnerability. Afraid of intruding on other people’s time, of taking them away from their children or grandchildren. Afraid that by the time I finally slow down, everyone else will be busy in worlds I no longer inhabit.
So what I’m trying for the first time isn’t friendship itself — it’s unlearning the defences that have built up around it. Unlearning the idea that self-sufficiency is strength. Unlearning the habit of keeping too busy. Unlearning the assumption that others don’t need me as much as I might need them.
Children don’t think twice before saying, “Want to play?” My dog never hesitates to greet other dogs when we are walking or to bring me her favourite toy when she wants to play. They seem to know instinctively that connection is a gift and that friendship can be intentionally nurtured.
The Afterword 
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